Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Special Assignment: Awesomesauce

Why do you do it, cypher?

What do you mean, Kaliyo?

This.  All of it.  Why do you fight to save the Empire?

You wouldn't understand, Kaliyo.  You never will.

Lock and load, agents!  Today we're not going to talk about strategies or high-level concepts or story arcs.  Today is a celebration.  A celebration ... of us.  Because we fucking rule.

Over on Hawtpants of the Old Republic, Njessi was mulling over what the Imperial side of TOR was like.  I tried (ineffectually) to explain that the Empire was clearly 'teh roxx0rz' ... at least, that's how I think the kids these days say it.  Anyways, apparently she only plays namby-pamby Republic characters but was interested in a taste of the dark side ... well, her attraction to the Imperials is obvious and overdue!

On her blog, I implored her to try the Imperial Agent because, as we are all painfully aware, the Agent is the best class.  Ever.  In any game.  Sure, we have our foibles; we're not very good at close range, our devilishly good looks sometimes cause us problems, and since we are so effective, attractive, and powerful, we seem to be targeted first by the enemy.  Yes, ours is a heavy burden ...

But how best to put this for someone who has yet to sample our delights?  Why, a list of course!

Top Ten Reasons You Should Be An Agent

1) We are, simply put, better looking than Sith Lords.  All those veins and pustules will just put a lady off.
2) We have the best spaceship.  This is not in question.  Does your ship have wood paneling and comfy chairs?  I didn't think so.
3) We have bigger guns.  And our sniper rifles are large too.
4) Do you have an unofficial class trailer?  Because we do.
5) Kaliyo is hot.  Angry sex is the best.
6) We use cover.  Don't underestimate this.  When you fight Gharj, you'll be the only one not flying in the lava.
7) You get respect from the common Imperial soldier.  Most times, the grunts are glad to see you show up.
8) Our Act 1 is better than your Act 1.  This cannot be stated boldly enough.
9) Do you have an angry, sexy, homicidal robot as a companion?  Because I do.  SCORPIO is  just ... yeah.  Wow.
10) I get to be Space James Bond.  You get to be a cheap knockoff Vader.  I win.

Fly safe, shoot straight!  For the glory of Imperial Intelligence!


  1. #2 YES. YES. YES.
    11) Class title Master Conspirator. Was I a double-agent, triple-agent, or just screwing over everyone?! I think we all know the answer to that.

    Nice post. :)

  2. I can not agree with this post more. Ever since I start swtor I have been playing Empire. I got the game about a week before my friend. I asked him to roll a Sith Inquisitor because he wanted a 'lightsaber' and we rolled together that night. The next day I went over to his house to set up his voice chat for him and found that he had started a Jedi Counselor. I played with him as a Jedi for about two hours before I finally convinced him that throwing pebbles was not nearly as awesome as lightning. It took a few days but I am happy to report he abandoned his Jedi Sage and his light side Sith for a new dark side Sith Sorcerer. Finally my apprentice is embracing the dark side.

    1. Also really great blog I really like how you start out each blog post. And I realised after I posted my comment that I totally forgot to say Agents are the best. He was the character I was least likely to play and now he has turned into my favorite and dare I say main. For the Empire..

  3. Thank you for this post! Now I totally have to make an agent. A male one. For lots and lots of sexy time.

  4. This reminded me of Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions.