Monday, November 12, 2012

TOR-Cation and Lord Lard!

Change is coming, agent.

I know, Kaliyo.  Are you frightened?

Really?  Really.  We took down the Cabal and you ask me THAT?

Well, can't blame me for trying.  Want a hug?

Get spaced.

Lock and load, agents!

Wow, how long has it been since I said that?  Seems like forever, really.  I've got a pretty good reason for the absence in posts though ... me and Mrs. Targeter went on our very first for-real vacation!  We've taken time off before for stuff (weekend trips and other things) but this was our first foray into 'real vacationing.'  Me and the missus took a five day cruise to Mexico and it .. was ... wonderful.  A seven-year delayed honeymoon (we even sailed out on our anniversary date!) was just what the doctor ordered.  I'm refreshed, rejuvenated, and ready to rock.

So of course, what news do I come back to when I return to real life (as opposed to food-laden cruise life, which in my humble opinion is a hundred bajillion times more awesome)?  The TOR F2P announcement!  Granted, it was announced a couple of days after I came back, but I was still easing myself into work and whatnot, so it counts.  Whatever.

Anyways, seriously, F2P is here on Thursday!  Wahoo!  I'd always told myself that I'd dive back into TOR big-time once the F2P conversion hit, and Bioware's making it easy with the launch of HK-51, your own personal meatbag eliminator.  I can't wait to get my own assassination droid and check out what's changed since I've been on TOR-cation.  I've not heard of too many changes to agents or smugglers, so I don't think I'll need to modify too much.  Any update on the Cathar?

WoW is going well too; I've abandoned my Enhancement Shaman and moved on to an Arms Warrior; Enhancement is getting the business end of the nerfbat and the skill priority system is just so ... ugh.  I remember back in TBC and LK when Enhancement was fun to play and very proactive; now it's so reactive that it grates on me.  I'm managing stacks of Searing Flames, Maelstrom, watching my cooldowns I mean totems, totally totems, watching my regular cooldowns, managing this, managing that ... blargh.  No thanks.  Simplify the priorities, simplify my totems (you know, gimme my regular totems back, plus my totem UI) and maybe I'll be back.  But I've been Shamanin' for four straight years now (2 as Elemental, 2 as Enhance), and maybe it's time to switch it up a bit.

I've got some other stuff on my plate too, and that's what I really want to talk about.  So, I'm an MMO gamer.  The stereotype for us is fat, gross greaseballs sitting at a computer playing games and nerd-raging.  For many of us, the stereotype isn't true.  But for me, it is!

I can't really blame it too much in TOR/WoW; five years ago I transitioned into a sedentary desk job that helped expand my wallet but also increase my waistline.  Here's a shocker ... in the five years at my desk job, my weight has ballooned by 50lbs.  That's 10lbs a year.  My gaming hobby doesn't help; sitting in front of a computer all day and then going home and sitting in front of a computer or on the couch all night ... yeah, small wonder I'm the size of a small African country.  I was never a small guy to begin with either, but I was reasonably in shape and what some would call 'country strong.'  Never defined at all, but working with my hands and in warehouses helped keep my weight in check and give me massive amounts of strength (at least I thought so).

So today I'm starting a new initiative ... LORD LARD.  That's right, the Sith Lord of Fatties is going to get in shape!  Now, I'm going to be very reasonable about it at first.  I've tried this before and gone all gung-ho only to throw my back out or pull a hamstring and completely derail my fitness attempt.  Here's my plan.  Using the Livestrong MyPlate (sponsored by that dirty cheater, Lance Armstrong!) I'm going to monitor my caloric intake and start an excercise program.  We'll start with some light jogging and whatnot first, plus my ridiculous P90X stuff in the mornings (jog at night, workout in the morning after my son gets on the school bus).  I know, I know, you're saying, "But Targeter!  You said you'd take it easy!  Isn't P90X for extremely manly men with bulging biceps and large eyebrows!"  Yes, it sort of is.  But at the same time, it's not.  I've done it before and enjoyed it, but I also know my limitations (now!).  I can pull back the intensity of the workouts so I don't obliterate my vertebrae or shear my hamstring right off the bone.  In other words, I will be taking it slowly.

I'll probably be providing an update every week on my progress (daily reports on weight loss tend to be self-defeating) but I'm not honestly expecting to lose like OMG10LBS a week.  I'll be happy with a steady 2-3lbs, maybe 4 on a good week.  Maybe 1 on a holiday week.  Just as long as I keep losing.

Oh, and drinking water.  Lots of water.

Fly safe, shoot straight!  For the glory of the Empire ... a much thinner Empire!

(Update!  My coworker has suggested a name of Darth Bitchtits too.  I know that's offensive as all get-out, but damn does it make me laugh.  So, Lord Lard or Darth Bitchtits?  Leave a comment to decide my new moniker!)


  1. I think Lord Lard has the better ring to it . . . long live alliteration!

  2. Another vote for Lord Lard. I signed up with the Weight-Watchers at the beginning of the year, because I can watch my calorie-intake and can still eat all my favourite things, too. Lots of drinking helps a lot.
    (Have lost 20 kilos since then.)

  3. Well I have to vote for the Darth Bitchtits, I know its juvenile but I do have that low brow sense of humor.